Things I have Sacrificed to the Idiot God, Busy.
One of the things I’ve been noticing about myself lately, a characteristic that seems benign or even seductive but is actually dreadful, is that I can get so “busy” that I miss the landmarks in life that give it meaning. Whole swaths of my life can be falling apart while I’m furiously concentrating on shuffling the papers around my desk or ‘nailing my to-do list’. A simple example of this: when I was in my later 20’s/early 30’s I got very focused on accomplishing stuff and other (really important) things just passed me by. I missed my sister’s wedding, multiple Christmases with family, and for a while, I didn’t really have anyone in my life that I knew on a level that I could have a heart-to-heart with. I was also getting blackout drunk a little too often. But I was too busy to fix all that, or even give it much attention. I was too busy barrelling through a brutal schedule that I liked to pretend I wasn’t imposing on myself.
That lifestyle is firmly behind me, but there are still ways that I busy myself in heady “productive” chores and let opportunities of the heart simply pass. Rae and I had our 5 year wedding anniversary last year and our plan was to have a ritual to properly honour our relationship, which we both hold in extremely high value. But we didn’t plan much for it as the date approached. I mean, in our defence, it was wedding season, and we were always either working every day of the week, or exhausted, or numbing out a bit, with Netflix. *sigh*. (We were “busy”…..under the spell of being “responsible” and “productive”). You can guess how this ends. We didn’t have the vow-renewal that we felt our relationship deserved. We had a small…event…not really a ritual, and we had our photos taken–which was still good but I could have done better.
Any way, this is what I admire most about the couple in this blog. They did their vow renewal and planned something that was emotionally beautiful and rich, and structured in a way that allowed them to dignify their togetherness, with ceremony and authenticity. I think it’s something that they’ll warmly remember in their bones for a long time. I’m grateful to have witnessed it, and I hope it informs my future decisions.